Internet-based snark since 2007.
One of the things they never tell you about parenthood is how much it hurts. And I’m not talking about labour, or breastfeeding, or even those uterine cramps you get while breastfeeding (like a super-fun combination of both discomforts).
In November 2013 I started writing a blog post about movies and television episodes to avoid watching while pregnant. I never finished writing it because the next day we were informed that our baby would be arriving ahead of schedule. As I know several people who are pregnant at the moment I thought it would be…
This was a drawing I meant to include in my original Spurious science of baby post but forgot about for some reason. So I thought I might draw it anyway. There really is no parental joy like that of being bludgeoned on a daily basis by a supposed “helpless” infant.
Mothers. All knowing bestowers of wisdom. As children we expect them to be the font of all knowledge. How glad I am that unlike previous generations I have the Internet at my disposal. For eventually The Master will get old enough to ask curly questions like “why is the sky blue?“, “why do cats purr?”…
They warn you before you have a kid, or at least they try to, about the degree to which their bodily wastes will take over your life. The quality and frequency. The successful containment. And in some very unfortunate cases velocity, yes velocity, comes into play.
When you have a kid with someone you very quickly come to learn a lot about their values. If you’ve chosen wisely you and your partner should have more or less matching attitudes on the important aspects of child-rearing.
“Kids are stupid. They don’t even know what horses look like.”
When you’re pregnant people offer you all sorts of advice. Sometimes the advice is welcome and offered in a take-from-this-what-you-will, sharing of wisdom way. Sometimes it’s just kind of thrust at you and is more rude than it is helpful. Or sometimes it’s just gross. Someone I know went into far too much detail about…
Babies are amazing scientists. As creatures who know very little about anything, every day as a baby is a day for trying out new things and exploring the world. And as a new parent you spend just as much time trying to figure out how the baby works. What makes it sleep? What makes it…
None of my parenting/baby books prepared me for this.