This episode is called El Valero, which as best as I can tell is a reference to The Alamo. Given the set up at the end of the last episode, that seems like a pretty good excuse for a standoff of epic proportions. Remaining questions include – “what the fuck happened to Cassidy?” and “could Jesse stop being a major douchecanoe soon?”
Let us pray.
We open on a group of skiers in a cable car in stormy weather, and based on the terrible colour combos and bad hair I’m guessing this is the 1980s and also that it’s the family Quincannon from that photo on Odin’s desk back in episode 4.
Odin’s wife (presumably) complains that he didn’t want to come on the trip and that “his disgusting job” is pretty much “the other woman”. Nice. Does anyone else smell horrible tragedy in the air?
They pose for a picture, the picture, and then they pretty much plunge to their deaths.
Also, Vail is lovely I’m told. Most of the time. When it’s not deadly and in GIANT FONT.
Still in flashback, we zoom out on Odin Quincannon in his office, a crowbar on the desk in front of him, and a sea of plywood boxes containing his dead family filling up the room. We hear him leave a distraught message for Custer senior to come. And you know what? If he was a man of faith before I can certainly see how this situation would completely break him on that habit. It’s horrific.
And for some reason there’s a cow in his office, as in an actual bovine. Odd.
Custer senior arrives and is horrified by more than just the human tragedy before him – he’s appalled at what Odin has done. And whatever it was involved getting quite bloody. Still, he’s in preaching mode, so tries to offer understanding and the comfort of The Almighty.
But Quincannon has quite the brainteaser for the Preacher. He grabs up two handfuls of what look like intestines and asks – which is my daughter and which is the cow? Because after thorough investigation he’s come to the conclusion that there’s no real difference. It’s all just meat. There’s no evidence of a soul. He’s looked.
This being the case, Quod Erat Demonstrandum, religion is a lie, God is a lie, and the Preacher needs to denounce the fuck out of all that in front of everyone. The lie cannot be allowed to continue.
This is the point at which the flashback links up to an earlier one from Jesse’s point of view, where he steals and ashtray from outside Quincannon’s office. What he sees through the open doorway is Odin Quincannon standing over a dead cow, bloodied boxes about him, clutching two lengths of viscera. Sweet dreams, kiddo!
Back in the present, the door to Jesse Custer’s church is busted open by Quincannon Meatheads who approach the hole in the floor with some curiosity before getting their asses handed to them. Shots are fired and they go back to their “General” (and Donnie) having left most of their weapons behind.
Inside the church Jesse is more than a little drunk and praying to God to bring Eugene back. He’ll give up Genesis, whatever, just stop being a dick, God (that’s my territory*).
He hears noises coming from the hole, the ground underneath starts moving and there’s a hand reaching up. Jesse heroically pulls Eugene free from the lightning sand, and they hold each other against a tree in the terrifying Fire Swamp.
Okay, but nearly.
Eugene is suspicious and thinks this could all be a trick. They’re tricky in Hell, you know. Er, no, don’t call my Dad right away. Can I get a drink of water, please? Jesse questions Eugene as to how he got back and he says he heard Jesse’s voice thing calling him and so he started digging up. Apparently it’s NOT THAT FAR. And, in a show that’s full to the brim with dark shit, that simple statement stood out as particularly dark. Yikes.
Outside morning has broken and Generale Quincannon is motivating his troops with his plans for a new facility on this here land with, hold onto your hardhats, boys, a foodcourt cafeteria. And they are certainly feeling that. But they can’t have chimichangas until Preacher Custer is relocated from his current address.
Inside Jesse in on the phone to the Sheriff giving him the good news about Eugene’s return. He gets off the phone and then gets real with Eugene – his crime against Tracy Loach isn’t for God to judge, not him and Eugene was right that using his power is cheating. What’s more he’s pretty sure he should give it back.
Eugene clarifies that he means the guys at the motel.
And for a moment I assumed that this was just sloppy writing, because Eugene has never crossed paths with Fiore and Deblanc but Jesse has spotted this error too. This knowledge of something he couldn’t know, and a request for a 4th glass of water draws Jesse to the conclusion that Eugene isn’t really there at all. When next he looks at the glass of water it’s full and untouched.
Faux-gene doesn’t go anywhere but rather continues being friendly and supportive. So is Eugene –
a) a ghost
b) a figment of Jesse’s booze-addled mind
c) a dream
d) a clever way for the actor to still get to be in scenes even though his character is, for all intents and purposes, dead. Maybe.
It’s not for us to know the answer just yet but we do get to see what Tulip’s up to which saving a stray dog from the pound. She finds one she likes, named Brewski.
Emily is despondently getting ready for work (the last time we saw her she was trying to say something important to Jesse and he was, surprise, surprise A DICK). Mayor Miles swings by and breaks the bad news that Jesse has given the church to Quincannon who’s going to tear it down. She is super pissed about this and stalks off to sort this out but not before she gets weirded out about Miles having washed her sneakers for her, bites his head off, but still asks him to drop the kids at school.
Back at the church Donnie leads a daring charge on the building only for Jesse to make like a sharpshooter, though in the style of Arnie in Terminator 2.
Everyone with half a brain retreats (again), but Clive (he who got up Tulips nose in episode 4 by being a sexist bellend) surges forward with, I kid you not, a bayonet on his rifle. This is an exciting piece of retro-warfare, I can tell you. And falling under the category of “depressing things you never thought you’d hear” he’s chanting “foodcourt, foodcourt, foodcourt” to himself. you know, for courage.
He eventually comes back to the main group with something clutched in his hands. The Preacher shot his dick off. He’s clearly in shock because it doesn’t even hurt and he’s detached enough to appreciate the marksmanship involved. Everyone else pretty much recoils at the sight of him because if you look for too long at another man’s penis it probably makes you gay.
At this point the Sheriff arrives because as far as he knows Eugene is in there. Quincannon makes out that Jesse’s lost his marbles and in the process, straight out refers to Eugene, directly to his father, as “ass-face”. That is how much of a shit he gives.
Jesse uses the loudspeaker to ask for “the agents” and the Sheriff knows where to find them so shortly thereafter Fiore and Deblanc turn up with a steamer trunk in tow.
They can’t enter the church until Jesse uses The Voice because of the last time he used it on them, to keep them away.
Outside the Quincannon campaign has turned into a picnic complete with hacky sack circle. The Sheriff, who has genuinely missed his son, tries to reason with Odin, that the church is on sacred ground and should be respected. But Odin is unequivocal in his disdain for it. He plans to destroy it.
Meanwhile Jesse is fessing up to Fiore and Deblanc about what happened to Eugene and quizzes them on whether someone can be brought back from Hell. The angels disagree on this, but it seems there’s some reason to hope. Neither of them can see or hear Faux-gene so it’s probably safe to say he’s a figment of Jesse’s imagination/guilt at this point. A Jiminy Cricket, if you will. In any case, they agree to help with getting Eugene back but not until they get Genesis back.
Outside Clive the dickless wonder’s endorphins have worn off as he’s wheeled into an ambulance. Nearby Emily defends Jesse’s actions to Miles. Because if there’s one thing we know about Americans it’s that if you’re trespassing on their property they’re pretty much allowed to shoot you. Miles, meanwhile declares the Quincannon land-grab “pretty legal” putting him right up there with our own members of parliament in the technical legal jargon.
Miles’ opinion is that this all serves “the greater good”. Their schools are shit and getting shittier because they have less money from tax to spend on education but Quincannon’s new facility will turn that around, therefore all means are justified. It’s pretty much what every politician who has ever compromised themselves argues – and it’s still self-serving bullshit.
But he does make a decent argument that Jesse is a criminal playing at being a good preacher. That’s just a fantasy the town *cough* Emily has and eventually you have to choose… the guy who washes your sneakers without being asked. Pretty please?
Elsewhere Tulip plays fetch with her new dog who is a bloodhound and pretty good with tennis balls. But she seems pretty sad, because Jesse gave her a pretty good dressing down in that last episode, I guess?
In the church Jesse, Fiore and Deblanc are preparing for the Genesis extraction but Jesse has so many questions. Why’d it pick him? Why didn’t he explode like the others? Maybe God does genuinely want him to have it so that he can do good with it? Deblanc bluntly responds that he’s had it all this time but what has he done with it?
Outside, half the town has gathered to watch the Preacher-seige show. Quincannon rallies his troops again and lays out his plan for their next assault. At the back, Donnie loses focus and turns instead to his wife. He is calm as he walks past her to the car, opens the boot, takes out his gun, leans his head into the boot, and fires. It’s rather tidy if somewhat unexpected.
Inside Jesse initially resists the Genesis-ectomy, but he acquiesces and it starts to work. It does work. Genesis is in the beat up old coffee can. It didn’t even hurt him, by the looks. Meanwhile the interaction between Fiore and Deblanc, now that they have their charge back in custody is adorably parental.
But they’re suddenly not so sure about the whole Eugene-retrieval project now. It might not be possible. But Jesse wants to know if they can’t help him then who can?
The coffee can gets awfully agitated at the argument, the lid flies off and Genesis escapes…straight back into Jesse.
Also, the coffee can is pretty much destroyed so Fiore and Deblanc reckon they can’t try again, but secretly they’re considering the chainsaw option. In the excitement Faux-gene seems to have disappeared and Jesse is once again alone with his gift/burden.
He must have fallen asleep because he wakes at nighttime to find the wall he’s slumped against being riddled with bullets. The assembled townfolk outside watch on with amusement.
Again Quincannon’s “forces” retreat but Jesse’s running out of booze and possibly ammo. We get a glimpse of the fire extinguisher from the last episode, the one he was supposed to put Cassidy out with, and then back door opens. Could it be? Is it?
No. It’s not Cassidy.
In fact it’s Donnie. Wait. Is this another hallucination/ghost thing? Because I thought he shot himself?
They train their guns on each other. Jesse tries to use the voice on Donnie…but it doesn’t work.
And… I know what happened. Donnie intentionally fired a gun near his head in an enclosed space thereby temporarily (or possibly permanently) deafening himself. That’s actually pretty smart for Donnie. Not as smart as earplugs, but smart-ish.
And sure enough, Donnie turns his head to the side to reveal a dried blood trail coming from his ear. At which point Jesse just gives up, but not before insulting Donnie, who clocks him a good one.
Quincannon is making another rousing speech about The Alamo but he’s not giving it to his men. He’s inside the church and he’s giving it to Jesse. Because the thing is, the men defending The Alamo actually lost. He gives Jesse some papers so he can sign over the church and lands to him but Jesse can’t understand what went wrong – Odin agreed to serve God.
Problem is, Jesse didn’t specify which one and Odin serves the God of Meat.
Odin serves the God of what’s real and tangible, not the this fairy-story magic God. Fuck that guy.
Jesse finds this crazy but Odin’s quick to point out that serving a God who’s silent is much worse, which is a point Jesse starts to see the sense in. But since he’s already done a deal with the Odin-devil, why not double down? What if he could bring God, actual God to church next Sunday to be asked questions and to answer them? And if God’s answers aren’t good then he will denounce him, right there in church. Hmmm?
Has anyone, anywhere ever had a plan less likely to succeed than this one, I ask you?
Tulip bestows loving words and snuggles upon her new pal Brewski. But this is all too heartwarming and I feel the pull of a bait and switch anchored somewhere around the corner.
And sure enough Tulip leads the dog to a doorway in Uncle Walter’s house and hugs him, then lets him into a room where something violent happens to him.
My money’s on Cassidy, just quietly.
The Sheriff drives Jesse off in a police car while the parishioners are a mixture of crazed, drunk and judgey. This town is fucked up. For all Jesse’s efforts to make it better, these people are not quite right.
Miles and Emily watch as the police cruiser disappears into the distance.
At the console we saw in episode 5, red lights are flashing and a klaxon is sounding. Nobs are twiddled, buttons are pressed and the pressure eases off. The technician takes a seat and reads a magazine. What is this thing? All we really know is that it seems to be subterranean but other than that there aren’t many clues. I’ve looked at this image closely and all I can make out is “vacuum”, “levers”, “flow”, and “pump no. 2”. Could be a sewerage system?
We got a tonne of story and character insight in this episode with mostly very short scenes and a lot of cutting back and forth between the opposing factions. The opening story of Quincannon’s family and rejection of God was the longest, slowest point and it just rattled on from there. Great for watching, hard work for recapping (you’re welcome).
Speaking of story and character, I’d say it’s fairly likely that Tulip rescued Cassidy and just fed him a dog – a bloodhound called Brewski no less – ah, so thirst-quenching! At first I couldn’t figure out why she was so seemingly attached to him if she was just going to feed him to a vampire until I realised she was giving him a good last day on earth, playing fetch and being petted and praised. It breaks my heart a little. Tulip may be a bit crazed but she’s not lacking in humanity at all.
Donnie’s character also continues to be more than just a cookie-cutter redneck, as he displays genuine warmth towards his wife and a single-minded commitment to an ingenious plan that actually worked.
Jesse meanwhile is heading for the nearest holding cell but not looking at all worried about it and the Sheriff must surely suspect now that Jesse had something to do with Eugene’s disappearance, so what will happen to him next? Will he just Genesis his way out of the situation and hope his committee meeting with God comes off?
Speaking of Eugene, he’s still in Hell as far as we know, Miles may be looking like a reasonable option to Emily at this point (he’s not – he has boundary issues and treats her like a child), and God may or may not be guest starring in the next episode. If he does, may he please be played by George Clooney? Amine.