Gah. So trying to get recaps up in a timely fashion didn’t really happen. My bad. Perhaps I need an inner voice with the timbre of Jesse Custer’s ordering me to pull finger and sort my shit out?
Speaking of which, the last time we saw the holy man in question he was instructing a coma patient to open her eyes. Wonder how THAT went? This episode is called “Possibilities” and from this point on there surely are some interesting ones presenting themselves.
We open in a park of some kind with a middle-aged woman who has a sort of everywoman PTA board member look about her, complaining about her husband and his disgusting table-manners. It’s a brilliant scene as our expectations and presumptions as viewers are playfully manipulated – we go from assuming her to be harmless if dissatisfied, to something more dangerous yet still cliched (the bored housewife looking to off her disappointing husband for the money), but actually, a female crime boss. The “Danny” mentioned in the last episode.
Tulip is handing over the map she’s acquired on Danny’s behalf which was formerly the property of “Grail Industries”, and do we think that’s going to be important at some stage later? Oh, with a biblical reference like that, I’d say so. Tulip’s curiosity is piqued by Danny is squashing that flat. In return Tulip gets the last known address of someone she’s clearly got business with. She also gets a flashback.
An alarm is ringing, Tulip’s in an alleyway looking extremely chic in a cute blue suit, a car drives off at speed and she screams either WAIT or WADE.
That was the day, Danny…for me…for Jesse and me. That’s the day it all turned bad. Now someone’s gotta pay…
A title graphic tells us they are in Houston. After the meeting Danny drives into an alleyway in what must surely be the most Jewish motor vehicle in Texas.
She enters a darkened room to the sounds of screaming, but again our assumptions are flipped as we realise the cries for help are actually coming from a film…and is it a snuff film? Dodgy location, Danny’s mild disgust, and men in suits in the audience suggests, yes. She passes the map to a particular gent in white, telling him “I told you my girl was good” and is dismissed with a flick of the hand. We do not hear his voice nor see his face.
As he leaves a poster informs us that it’s an organised event, a “snuff film festival”. So maybe the “snuff” isn’t entirely real because would there really be posters for that? I admit to some confusion at this point.
As ominous white suit man saunters off in a hat (other ominous men in white suits – the bad guy in El Mariachi, Boss Hogg, and any number of Bond villains) we’re treated to an opening credits sequence, the first of the series so far.
It’s relatively short and surprisingly low key (considering the content), with a nod to the opening credits of True Blood in that’s it’s a series o gritty snapshots, and the music is understandably gospel-ish.
Into the episode proper and we’re at the Sundowner Motel where the Bobsy Twins are laying down some A-grade bullshit to the Sheriff Roscoe P Coltrane.
By the way, I was evidently quite wrong in my assertion that their accents were fake. They’re actually the real deal. Maybe my ear was picking up so much Texan that it got confused by the English? Anyway, if the below video is anything to go by, I am a terrible judge of what’s a natural accent and what’s not.
They inform the sherrif that something dangerous got loose and they’re on its trail. So danger, much wow – don’t get in their way. And he’s pretty much eating it up, but stops before leaving to share a disturbing story about kids going missing at an amusement park, and how they never did find that third baby…
Twinnies are determined to try and secure their quarry again using the can which apparently isn’t just any old can. They need the one they left behind at the church, on account of Cassidy better the motherloving stuffing out of them followed by dismemberment. How is it they have all their limbs again? We still haven’t covered that. So limbs they’ve got AND enough weapons for an Arnold Schwarzenegger film.
Next we stop in at the Loaches where Tracy is still a vegetable, but one with open eyes. Mrs Loach is giving Ems the organist a rundown on how Jesse turned up, smelling boozy, prayed with her daughter and now, well maybe the Lord has been paying attention after all? Tracy isn’t in any way awake but her eyes are open and that must mean something. She doesn’t seem to be blinking though, so for me, this scene would have been extra creepy/realistic if her eyes were all read and watery.
At Donnie wifebeater’s house he and the kid are going to have a little chat. Ruh-oh. Donnie leads his son away from the house into a back street and…hold me, I feel like something bad is going to happen, and it is but it’s not the kind of bad I was thinking of. The son knows he’s in trouble for talking to Jesse and says as much but Donnie’s not going to beat him to a pulp, he’s going to do something much worse. He’s going to try and explain to his kid about the nature of the sexual relationship between himself and “Masochist Mommy”.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Of course he kind of can’t so he sort of dances around it. Then the kid (does he have a name? I can’t effing remember) says one of the kids at school had dissed Donnie so he kicked his ass and made him cry. Which only adds to Donnie’s embarrassment. If he wasn’t such an incredible fuckwit I’d feel sorry for him. Anyway, better go catch that schoolbus son…
Speaking of Schoolbus Drivers Who Are Gross, our neighbourhood paedophile is at work, and he doesn’t recognise one of his regular passengers, though he sure does seem keen to get to know her *involuntary shuddering*. Donnie delivers his offspring to said bus and gets a round of squeaky bunny-noises from the children for his trouble. Children are such assholes, but fortunately Donnie is even worse so this is generally hilarious.
With the sound of squeaking still ringing in our ears we go next to the church where Cassidy’s not best pleased about being woken up in the middle of the day to find that there’s a random coffin out front, which Emily informs him, he is supposed to be transporting in the van somewhere.
Just in case we didn’t realise that Cassidy is Irish, he walks around singing “Molly Malone” to himself (what, no “Pride, in the name of love”?) while fetching the van keys, but stops when he realises that Jesse is in the parlour, lurking in shadow. Jesse leans ominously into view and says he wants to show Cassidy something. Oooooh. Is it bigger than a baby’s arm?
Out on the highway, Tulip has been pulled over by the Highway Patrol and sadly, it is not the Texan version of Erik Estrada warning her about the perils of excessive speed. Before the state trooper gets to her she fetches out her license, an ugly as heck ring, and a pistol from the glovebox.
Apparently 115 in a 55 zone is too fast. Also, when questioned on her ethnicity Tulip does not play nice explaining how a brown person can have a European name and honey, I FEEL YOU. Not that I have a European name, but having to plot out your family tree for new people GETS OLD FAST. Mind you, being snarky about it with a state trooper was probably not the best idea and suddenly he’s talking about impounding the vehicle yadda, yadda, yadda…
And then Tulip pulls out the A game and it is masterful. Flashing her ring as if by accident, she spins a yarn about being a war veteran, and explains she’s got a friend who’s been going down a wrong road and he needs her help now and she’d break a hundred laws to get him back on track. And the last part is 100% true. The song that plays as she sends up a cloud of dust with her spinning back tyres blasts out “glory be, glory be”, and it’s the perfect theme tune for her in that moment. That state trooper came within a hair’s breath of eating blacktop – Tulip O’Hare is a dangerous animal, especially when backed into a corner.
Back to an animal of a different stripe. Jesse is using his power to make Cassidy hop (like a bunny? Donnie would love that one). We also learn that Cass either doesn’t know any Johnny Cash songs or parses sentences really oddly –
Jesse: SING ME SOME JOHNNY CASH
Cassidy: Me some Johnny Cash
Everybody: *massive eyeroll*
Jesse also gets him to admit that he likes Justin Bieber which is definitely worse that liking The Big Lebowski, so that’s 1-0 to Custer. Jesse meanwhile seems to be letting this go to his head and gets a little crazed on it but snaps back when he orders Cass to fly and he flings himself with not inconsiderable force into the air…and straight into a wall. But our resident vampoire is not fussed. He thinks this is AWESOME (much like the Bieb’s last album).
At Quincannon Meat & Power bossman Odin Quincannon is enjoying a relaxing afternoon listening to the sounds of cattle slaughter via his office intercom. Maybe it’s just a foley artist thing but it sounds to me like that cows are being killed with ninja swords and if No country for old men taught me anything it’s that a bad fringe can make even sexy latin-types look creepy and that ninja swords are not industry standard for cattle killing.
Back at the church Cassidy has turned his meager problem-solving skills to the matter at hand using the time honoured method of “what movie is this situation from?” – see aforementioned No country for old men example above. So it’s either a Phenomenon brain tumour, The Bourne Identity type special ops brain-washing or the Jedi mind trick. So he’s basically Sherlock Holmes, and this is all done and dusted, ladies and gents. Thanks for coming.
But he goes ahead and asks a couple of follow up questions anyway. When did it start? And what does it feel like?
It feels like there’s a big blender in my gut and inside that blender there’s everything. Love. Hate. Fire. Ice. Boloney and Icecream. Tarantulas. Everything. All of God’s creation…inside of me.
And while Jesse’s not perhaps thrilled about all this Cassidy, who always has his eye on the main chance, is seeing all sorts of POSSIBILITIES. Jesus Cass, you’re and vampire AND you’re skeezy as hell. Tone it down a touch, eh petal?
Back at the motel our “Guvmint investigators” and suited and booted in advance of another performance of the all-singing, all-dancing “Jesse Custer heavenly body removal” review and can we just take a moment to appreciate the attention to detail in this TV broadcast they are watching. Because as I believe it states in the Entertainment News Bible “thou shalt not turn from away from a distasteful pun, but love it as if it were thine own brother*”.
Hmmm. Does the taller of the Bobsy Twins seem a little off? Or at least more off than usual? Honestly, it’s hard to tell.
Apparently one of Donnie’s jobs is to awkwardly read out letters (LETTERS? What is this, Victorian England?) to Mr Odin Quincannon. Apparently it’s not good news and Donnie offers to kick the ass of the writer of aforementioned letter because in his world that is how you solve any and all problems. Quincannon however prefers that Donnie, still in a sling, clears his lunch tray….which of course he is unable to do. Quincannon turns on a computer so old it could be steampunk (it IS Victorian England) and mutters about his right hand man not having any right hand. Donnie sucks it up but he clearly does not take belittling mildly so he most likely will be taking this out on somebody.
Cassidy meanwhile has been running his errands by taking the body from earlier to the crematorium, and I do love that this show isn’t too up itself to go really comic book with the imagery sometimes.
Outside he sees the Bobsy Twins drive past in an SVU and is none too happy about it.
Out on the road, Tulip pulls up alongside Jesse’s truck and they have a little convo at the side of the road. And just the way they’re standing there smoking and leaning against cars and he’s got the hair and she’s got attitude it is very, very Grease for me. There’s a whole tenuous relationship vibe that is extremely Kenickie and Rizzo. No, really. There is.
In a moment of candour Jesse actually engages with Tulip and confesses that something has happened and does he seem any different? Like a teenager who just had sex for the first time – does my skin look clearer?
They debate the value of his “calling” and Tulip mocks his promises and his efforts which quite rightly pisses him off and he makes to leave. But Tulip drops her bombshell – this isn’t crime, this is justice. And Jesse knows exactly what that means and it’s name is Carlos
flashbackflashbackflashbackflashbaaaaaaaaaack…
It seems Jesse killed a security guard during their last heist and Carlos was in the getaway car and he got the hell away leaving Jesse and Tulip in an alleyway with a dead body. So he’s not a their favourite person, or as Tulip puts it –
Rat-bastard, money-stealing, child-killing, life-ruining sonofabitch…
And for the first time since she turned up, Jesse is very much interested in what Tulip has to say.
And so it looks like the Preacher’s new mission is to fuck up some guy named Carlos. They roar into the distance, Jesse’s truck abandoned by the side of the road.
Night has fallen and the The Bobsies are all geared up with the heavy artillery and make their way towards the church. First priority is that munted old can then the Preacher but first they’ll have to gather all their internal organs together because Cassidy’s just completely nailed them with the church van. And holy shit, how thick is this guy? He’s only just twigged that he already killed these two last episode.
Really?
Oh well, I guess he probably has killed quite a few people but still, not doing anything to dispel any negative stereotypes about the mental powers of the Irish. Jaysus.
Cassidy uses his powers of deductive reasoning (or Orphan Black) and comes to the conclusion that they are clones, then traipses off back inside to find the stuff he’ll need to clean up the bodies AGAIN. Do you ever sometimes have a dream where you get out of bed and get ready for work and then you wake up and you have to get out of bed and get ready for work, and you’re super annoyed because I DID THIS ALREADY. That’s pretty much Cassidy’s attitude at this point.
As he walks away there’s a flash of lightning over the busted bodies of our intrepid…whatever they are.
Inside Cassidy hears a noise, grabs the nearest weapon shaped thing and makes his way into the church. He is pissed off and wants to know how these guys keep finding him. But of course, they’re not here for him and finally get a chance to say so. The Preacher has something of theirs and they need it back. In an old coffee tin.
Jesse and Tulip stop at a gas station to refuel on their way to Carlos-vengeance. And Jesse really wants to tell her about the Boloney and Icecream situation but she gets in an argument with somebody who wants to pull in in their car which is exactly what Rizzo would do, guys. I’m telling you, if Rizzo left high school, turned to a life of crime, and had access to automatic weapons, she’d BE Tulip.
Jesse is none too impressed with this display however and decides to go to his thinking place, aka the men’s room. It’s scuzzier than a student flat in there but it’s not so much the grime on the fittings as it is the presence of wifebeater Donnie. Who has a gun, by the way. Pointed at Jesse’s head.
Unsurprisingly Jesse it not overly concerned given that he has the ultimate get out of jail free card, and tarries a while to further take the piss out of Donnie who is just desperate to get Preacher to squeal like a bunny too.
Jesse turns on The Voice and forces a terrified and confused Donnie to put the gun in his own mouth. He’s not very far at all from making him pull the trigger before he pulls back and lets Donnie scuttle away, his tail and probably most of his bowel contents hanging between his legs.
Jesse seems, in that moment, to understand the possibilities of the power that he’s been given so when he comes out he tells Tulip the bad news – he’s changed his mind. He’s staying. God can take care of Carlos. She’s devastated but vows she’s not leaving without him. Because as angry a person as Tulip is and as dimissive as Jesse is towards her, she still loves the fuck out of the guy.
Back at the church Cassidy and the Bobsy Twins are having a good old chinwag. They’re from the Guvmint and they just want the thing in Jesse back, and no not to use for “psycho-sexual manipulation”, but nice to know that’s what you’re thinking of, Cassidy. When Cassidy enquires as to which branch of the Guvmint they’re from, the less articulate of the two just straight up admits they’re from Heaven. And no, Cassidy, I do not think they mean the gay nightclub.
In they end they strike a sort of a deal whereby Cassidy will act as a go-between on their behalf and convince Jesse to cooperate so that they can avoid any more unnecessary chainsaw massacres and having to clean bodies up multiple effing times.
At the Sheriff’s house Eugene has brought up the topic of Tracy Loach’s open eyes. Maybe he should go over there? And you can just see how desperate he is to be near some evidence of God. Like perhaps it might rub off on him. But Daddy Sheriff doesn’t know how right he is when he says there’s mayhem and murder everywhere. A monster swamp he calls it. Eugene should definitely not go out.
The next day there’s a funeral for Mr Cut-your-own-heart-out-in-a-Floridian-rest-home attended only by Emily and the Preacher. He reads a passage from Corinthians about how we all will be changed. And the camera pulls back across the open expanse of the church environs and a pipe coming up from the ground (is it some kind of sewerage vent?), well, it kind of burps. Who knows what the hell that means? Roll credits.
So, will Tulip be able to lure Jesse back to the darkside? Can Cassidy mediate an arrangement between our heavenly fixers and Jesse? Will Rizzo and Kenickie get back together after the race at Thunder Road? The next episode may possibly answer some of these questions. Now excuse me while I dig out my DVD copy of Grease…
*In truth this is borrowed from an earlier religious text, namely “The Daily Mail Style Guide”.