It’s always interesting to have an experience that puts you on the other side of where you usually see things.
I did that earlier this week when I took part in Plunket’s annual fundraising drive by shaking a bucket and looking hopefully at people outside my local branch of The Warehouse.
Now oftentimes I am not overly keen on interacting with street collectors. It’s not because I’m against giving to charity. I’m not. But the fact is, I have charities that I support when I’m able and I almost never have cash on me and I feel awkward saying no.
It’s also because the notion of “stranger danger” was so thoroughly drilled into me at an impressionable age that even at 40 I still think deep down that anyone approaching me on the street is going to offer me a sweetie and push me in to a nondescript-looking panel van.
People randomly saying hello or good morning (which I’ve noticed that people are more inclined to do if you have a baby with you) startles me, and the thought of having to interact with a well-meaning charity collector fills me with, not dread exactly, but feelings of vague awkwardness.
I am a social creature, yes, but one with a core of shyness that I sometimes have to have my “game face” on to deal with. And when I’m walking around, running errands I’m often not well prepared for sociability.
That said, I’ve employed a couple of strategies in the past with regards to charity collectors that have worked to some degree.
Urban guerilla – If they can’t see you, they can’t fix their earnest, pleading eyes on you. Employ your ninja skills and blend into the background. Utilise columns, rubbish bins, potted plants and lampposts to disguise your approach. KEEP MOVING. Know where their blindspot is and stay in it. If you can stand the high-pitched whining, use a group of teenage girls as cover.
Tactical response – Sometimes it’s good to prepare your thing to say ahead of time. Something funny, or unexpected is good. I once told a SAFE collector dressed like a rabbit in a deadpan voice that “I don’t like animals”. Although on second thoughts I’m not sure she was in on the joke with that one.
Another time I breezed past a Greenpeace guy with a clipboard (if it involves a clipboard, I’m just not doing it, Greenpeace, I’m sorry) with a haughty “no, I’m far too busy and important”. It was clear to both of us that this wasn’t true and on that occasion the joke hit the mark (it’s all in the delivery).
But how was it being on the other side? Well, kind of fun actually. Although I have a natural “resting b…h face” when I want to smile the effect can be quite disarming. So I basically just stood there looking like I’d just thought of something really funny and occasionally chirping “donation for Plunket?”. Add to this the cute factor of a 15 month old on my hip who looks like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth and we did quite nicely actually.
And here’s the bit where I tell you the bad news. The whole “I don’t have any cash, sorry” approach is about to become extinct. An iPhone, an app, and a gadget that plugs into the earphone socket is all a charity needs to be able to say “that’s alright we take credit and debit cards too…”
Behold…
I must admit to enjoying it just a wee bit when a few folks rolled out their previously ironclad “I’ve got no coins” excuse only to find it didn’t work any more forcing them to sort of shuffle awkwardly away muttering “er, um, no thanks”. Yeah, who knew you could actually enjoy the awkwardness if you were on the other side of the donations bucket? Not me. This is a revelation.
I also really liked giving people stickers. Little kids get super excited about them, and also in my mind I was a mafia tough guy marking in the ledger that this working bum had been sufficiently shaken down and that they should be safe from any further harassment this month. “Here, lemme do you a solid and give you this sticker here, bub, and we’ll say no more about it. Capisce?”
I really enjoyed this. I might have to do it more often. And, and, and … I very nearly sold a guy a barbecue. Honestly, it was quite an interesting experience.
So what do you think of the development of card donations for street collectors? Are you going to have to come up with a new excuse? For the record, I think “I am really poor this week” is perfectly legitimate. Do you chuck your extra coins in a bucket from time to time or is your main donation to “charity” buying Weet-bix*?
If you’d like to you can donate to Plunket on their website (but sorry, bub, you don’t get a sticker).
*As bizarre as it seems, because Sanitarium is run by the Seventh Day Adventists it’s classed as a charity. If anyone knows of any openly atheist breakfast cereals, please let me know.
Originally published on Stuff 05/03/2015
(Featured image from Pexels, Creative Commons Zero license)