Sometimes it’s the small news stories that give a real glimpse into New Zealand life and culture. For instance, a man in Timaru recently managed to earn himself a disorderly behaviour charge when he attempted to emulate one of the Dukes of Hazzard by sliding across the bonnet of a police car.
According to the story he also did “a sexy pole dance” but no charges were laid for that presumably because a) cops like sexy pole dances, or b) being embarrassing isn’t actually illegal. Just ill-advised.
Look, we’ve all been there. Well, maybe not exactly there, gyrating against a pole on King St in Timaru after midnight, but wanting to be cool and copy something we saw someone do on TV when were young and impressionable? Sure. I spent many an hour as a youngster attempting to copy Billy T James’ signature giggle and only succeeded in sounding like a lunatic. We’ve all been there is what I mean.
But then you grow up and stop doing that stuff. Or most of us do. It occurs to me now that perhaps some people didn’t get that memo so just in case, I’ve collated a little list.
Things from 1980s TV shows that you should definitely not do even though that guy on the telly made it look really cool that time
- Slide across the bonnet of a car, especially a police car and while we’re at it, getting in the car via the windows is never going to look as cool as you think it is.
- Regularly growl “have mercy” while in possession of a mullet.
- Yell “yo, Willy” all the time and periodically threaten to kill the family cat and eat it.
- Living inside a post box. Sure, it’s probably all you can afford in Auckland, but still, that’s people’s mail you’re sleeping in. Nobody wants drool on their letters.
- Be a douchnozzle Wall Street Republican. I’m 98% sure Alex P Keaton helped create the global financial crisis.
- Let your landlord believe you’re gay so that you can share a flat with 2 women. We have laws for that sort of thing now.
- Acid wash clothing. Noooooooooooo.
- Repeatedly slip your workmate, who is afraid of flying, knockout drugs so that you can take him on planes without his permission. Who wrote this, Bill Cosby?
- Shoes with no socks. It’s hot and your feet stink.
Of course, the exception to this list is MacGyver. Everything he did was awesome. Okay, maybe not the hair.
Have you ever tried to be cool like someone on telly and how did that work out for you? Are there any noteworthy examples missing from this list?
Originally published on Stuff, 20 January 2015
(General Lee, Public Domain image via Wikipedia)