When you have a kid with someone you very quickly come to learn a lot about their values. If you’ve chosen wisely you and your partner should have more or less matching attitudes on the important aspects of child-rearing.
Although the Silver Fox and I have differing takes on quite a few things, one thing we are in a agreement on is that ours is a house of science. This means that we only take medicines for which there is a body of scientific evidence to support their use. We don’t use Rescue Remedy or other homeopathic products because of how they don’t actually do anything.
So when it comes to our offspring we have the same policy. We do for him as we would do for ourselves.
Our son is currently teething which is something he’s been doing for a number of months. In fact, we’ve just hit “peak hillbilly” in that he has just 3 teeth in the front and that’s all, y’all. He often has blazing red cheeks that seem to glow with an infernal fire, and is constantly chewing on his fingers, toys, furniture. As there are numerous photos of me at his age sporting a similarly fiery complexion this may well be my otherwise unimpeachable DNA at work. Hurrah!
Of course, the danger of complaining about baby teething woes is that people will then offer you advice such as “you could get him one of those necklaces”. By which they mean an amber bead necklace. The last person who did this simply got a “no” in response. Just the one word but uttered in a tone of voice that said “you seem nice but you do not want to get into a conversation with me about this – BACK AWAY”. The topic was dropped immediately and we moved on to less controversial conversational fare.
But for the record, this is what the SF and I think about amber bead necklaces.
Which is to say, they’re completely pointless.
There is no evidence that they in any way relieve the symptoms of teething. None. So they’re just a decorativepotential choking hazard as far as I’m concerned. But don’t just take my word for it.
But let’s just say that an amber bead necklace does do “something”. What is it doing? What is the delivery mechanism? Is the baby absorbing some compound through the skin? Are they inhaling it? What is the substance in question? What is a safe dosage for an infant? What are the potential side effects?
Either it’s doing nothing and there’s no point in them or it’s doing something and WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THING DOING TO MY BABY? But don’t panic, because as I said, it’s not actually doing anything.
Also, I always think those necklaces make otherwise cute babies look like vaguely sifty surfer dudes like Patrick Swayze in Point Break.
But the main point is that they’re ineffectual. It’s just like the jetlag “cure” that’s been removed from sale at one pharmacy (why not all?) because the manufacturers are not allowed by law to claim that it actually works. I mean, I dunno but if a product isn’t even allowed to say that it does what it’s name suggests it does, why would anyone ever buy that thing? Am I missing something here?
But before all the amber bead loving parents of the world descend with a great wailing and gnashing of teeth upon the comments section can I just say something?
I don’t care if your kid is wearing one of those useless necklaces. It’s your call. The chances are I don’t like the outfit you put them in either. I do not think you’re a bad parent. Stand DOWN.
Having said that, I think your grasp of how science works might not be up to snuff and if I ever find myself in a quiz team with you and there’s a science-related question I will most likely be wary of any answer you give even if you are “eighty percent sure it’s right”. But that’s about it.
Look, I know that there are people who probably swear by amber bead necklaces but anecdotes are not data, so if you’re buying one I hope it’s because you’re a really big Point Break fan.
When it comes to your health and wellbeing and that of your family what’s your take on unproven remedies?
Originally published on Stuff, 30/10/2014