I haven’t watched a competitive dating show in years. The last ones I subjected myself to were ‘Flavor of Love’ and that Bret Michaels one where everyone, and I do mean everyone, was terrible.
In fact, I enjoyed E! parody ‘Burning Love’ much more possibly because I didn’t have to feel so bad about all the horribly insecure people I was watching because they were all actors. What am I saying? Actors are the most insecure people ever…
Anyway, when I learned that there would be a Kiwi version of The Bachelor coming to screens soon my first thought was “ugh” and my next thought was “no”. But then someone mentioned how they’d probably watch because it was likely to be terrible and I thought “yes”. So, if nothing, we know that I am a) starved of entertainment and b) fickle.
A couple of weeks later I asked Twitter if I should do snarky show recaps once the series started and the response was unanimously positive.
@MoataTamaira 20 gazillion percent better than actually watching it for myself #importantpublicservice — Scribbling Librarian (@LibrarianCat) February 25, 2015
@MoataTamaira yes. Snark is always well received.
— Christina Evans (@christina_evans) February 25, 2015
@MoataTamaira absofreakinlutely
— Bronwyn (@BronwynSetford) February 25, 2015
You get the picture.
So I guess that means I’m committed and as such I must, now that the female “contestants” have been revealed, be interested?
According to this Stuff article the hopeful romance-seeking ladies are –
- Amanda, 29, hair and makeup artist, Auckland
- Alysha, 26, a high school English teacher from Invercargill
- Fiona, 27, “works in operational sales”, Christchurch
- Brigette, 25, a personal trainer/business owner, Queenstown
- Carissa, 21, works in jewellery retail, Christchurch
- Chrystal, 30, a yoga teacher/massage therapist, Christchurch
- Cristy, 31, a project manager, Auckland
- Dani, 22, a marketing assistant, Auckland (has purple hair)
- Danielle B, 35, lawyer/business owner, Auckland
- Danielle L, 33, advertising executive, Auckland
- Hayley, 25, entrepeneur, Auckland
- Kristie, 24, primary school teacher, Balclutha
- Lisa, 29, clinical research associate, Auckland (redhead)
- Matilda, 24, media sales executive, Sydney and Auckland
- Michelle, 23, fashion buyers administrator, Auckland and Waihi
- Natalie, 23, event manager, Pukekohe
- Natasha, 26, a lawyer and child caregiver, Auckland
- Nikki, 24, a solicitor, Invercargill
- Poppy, 24, yoga instructor, Auckland/UK
- Rosie, 30, real estate agent, Thames
- Shivani, 28, a chiropractor, Auckland
There are a couple of takeaways from this list. First off, how many of these ladies have properly spelled names? Answer: not nearly enough of them. By the time I got to “Chrystal” I was making a face.
Also Christchurch and Auckland seem to be very well represented but I can only assume that ladies in Wellington are hooking up with all the Men in Government or would rather stay at home playing Scrabble and drinking craft beer than be bothered with this sort of nonsense. And who could blame them?
As we dread look forward to The Bachelor NZ befouling gracing our screens, what are the burning questions we need to be asking?
- Will anyone be able to tell all the long-haired brunettes apart? Will they be given different coloured hats to wear?
- Will the two yoga instructors get along famously or hate each other on sight?
- What does Hayley actually do for a job? My bet is “entrepreneur” means “unemployed” and/or “sells fimo handicrafts on TradeMe”.
- Similarly what does “works in operational sales” mean, Fiona? Because I’m imagining someone who sells the boardgame “Operation” and I’m pretty sure that’s not right. Although I desperately hope it is.
- Will Alysha and Kristie roll their Rs?
- Will Dani, Danielle, and Danielle start a girlband together called Dan Native?
- Will anyone realise Dani’s name isn’t actually “the one with purple hair”?
Next week: The series begins! And we discover if The Bachelor is actually hot! Or is he Tom Bachelor?
(Featured Image, Rose Petals by Inadesign-Stock, Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 license)